Friday, September 30, 2005


Blessings, children.

I just wanted to take a few moments to let you know that summer vacation is officially over, so I have moved from Castel Gandolfo to the papal apartment, but not without complications.

You see, I hadn’t moved completely into the apartment upon my elevation to the papacy because I was going to have it remodeled while I was staying at Castel Gandolfo. I returned Wednesday only to find my apartment riddled with empty pizza cartons and beer cans from the contractors. After cleaning up the mess was I inspected the work that had been done. I have to admit; in spite of being messy eaters, those Italians are master-craftsmen. They did a marvelous job updating my kitchen. It’s quite an improvement; don’t you think?



After getting that taken care of I called my brother George because he was going to help me finish moving stuff out of my old apartment. To my dismay, I couldn’t reach him on the line. I checked the number twice and it was correct.

I was quite concerned, because it’s not like George to miss an appointment and I could have really used the help. I wouldn’t feel comfortable asking somebody else to help, because that is such a big step in a friendship as we know from when Jerry Seinfeld was asked by Keith Hernandez to help him move.

So I figured I would just head over to George’s place on the way to my old apartment. I hooked up the trailer and set off.

I was relieved to see George’s car outside. I rang the bell, but there was no answer. I double-checked the address and it was definitely his place.

So I knocked really hard and held the doorbell down for a long time, but still no answer. I had to accept that this was one cross I was going to have to bear alone.

Then I went to my old apartment and visited with my lovely Chico for quite a while. I missed him so terribly. Then I started to load up my things.

Having all my effects secured in the trailer, I had one last thing to collect. Unfortunately, the wind picked up and I could have found myself in an embarrassing position, but as it turns out nobody noticed, so only you and I know. Shhhh!

The papal apartment finally feels like a home. Thank you, Lord.

Thursday, September 22, 2005

The Sport of Relativism

Good day, children.

At yesterday’s public audience in St. Peter’s square, I spoke of how athletic competition can be an educational instrument and a vehicle for important human and spiritual values. Unfortunately, things being as they are, my Wednesday audiences are much too short to go into any detail.

I would like to take the time to share more of my thoughts on sports, in the form of a good old-fashioned musing.

First off, it is important to note that in spite of what the Sport of Relativism, not all sports are created equal. I recall some conversations I had with various colleagues when the Olympic Committee decided to reveal their relativist mindset by adding to their line-up of “sporting events” certain bizarre activities. Not to be a name-dropper or anything, but my dear late friend Pope John Paul the Great and I really split a rib when Archbishop Rembert Weakland exclaimed that it was high time that ribbon waving was recognized as a “world-class sport.” Children, you can give it an impressive sounding name like, Rhythmic Gymnastics, but at the end of the day it is still nothing more than waving a long ribbon.

Sports by definition should be competitive. When was the last time you heard of one of these events getting so competitive that a bench clearing brawl ensued between opposing ribbon wavers or synchronized swimmers? - I didn’t think so.

To one of the finer points of the Sport of Relativism, I would be remiss if I didn’t address the topic of football (Americans read: soccer). I have given a lot of thought to this subject because of the game’s popularity throughout the world. One could easily argue that to call soccer a sport would be in a sense, playing the Sport of Relativism. However, given that soccer is a game that requires some physical activity and has an element of competitiveness, coupled with the fact that millions and millions of God’s innocent little children are being raised to believe that soccer is a sport, I think charity dictates that we should accept that soccer can be considered a sport. Granted; you don’t have to assent to that with religious faith, but you should at least allow those who would like to call soccer a sport to do so.

On a side note; one thing I find interesting about professional sports is fighting. Don’t get me wrong; I am not endorsing violence as a solution to one’s problems, it’s just that there is something rewarding when a hockey player drops his gloves and gives the ol’ one-two to the guy who was treating him to some creative stick work behind the play. I don’t care what my fellow Europeans say, you North American folks truly know how to play hockey.

I wonder about some of the other American sports though. I find it odd that American football, for all its ruggedness, doesn’t have more fighting involved. Perhaps the referees aren’t ‘blind’ or unjust in their calls. I also wonder who taught baseball players to fight. The way they all converge on one location and just sort of leap up on one another, never throwing a punch, baffles me.

Perhaps one of my Canadian children can tell me who invented curling and why? Has a fight ever broken out during a curling match? To succeed at it, do you have to be a janitor by trade, or is it just helpful? How come curling is so boring, yet one finds it hard to turn the channel when it’s on?

In summary, children: Be active! Play sports or participate in other forms of physical activity. If you want to pull out your old hula-hoop and have a joyous time, please do; just be careful to not call it a sport. Otherwise you may find yourself voted the MVP in the Sport of Relativism.

Thursday, September 15, 2005

Centrality of Christ

Greetings Children,

Please accept my humble apologies for not musing lately. Apparently, Monsignor Ganswein has seen fit to fill up my schedule with audiences and photo-ops. So much for having a summer retreat. Nevertheless, I am quite happy to serve the servants of God.

I have a few minutes before the next audience and while Msgr. Ganswein is out with the press corp, I thought that it might be a good time to get a little musing in. At yesterday’s general audience I spoke about the need for God’s presence in social life. There is so much more to be said about this subject than I was able to address at the time. I will most likely be offering more reflections on the issue, but I am saving a particular aspect for my fellow parishioners at St. Blog’s.

In my audience, I stated, “At the very center of social life there must be, therefore, a presence that evokes the mystery of the transcendent God. God and man walk together in history, and the temple has the task to point out this communion in a visible way.” Not bad stuff, if you ask me. However, I have a parallel observation that quite frankly, fascinates me as much as it irks me.

You see children; there is an element of people who would like to remove Christ from our society and our history. I noticed one particular movement in that direction about fifteen years ago or so. The not-as-clever-as-they-think-they-are intelligentsia devised a scheme whereby they thought they could sanitize history and society of Christ by playing semantics with the delineation of time.

Christ being at the center of all things, we rightfully keep Him at the center of time itself. We record the history of mankind by noting time as being Before Christ (B.C.) or as Anno Domini (A.D.), the year of our Lord.

The enemies of Christ have seen fit to change and propagate the delineation of time to Before the Common Era (BCE) and the Common Era (CE), effectively removing Christ from His place at the center of man’s history – or so they think!

One must ask; in a system of time that is broken down into a before and after (or present), what is the focal point which differentiates the two? The answer, children, is obvious to us all; Our Lord Jesus Christ, creator of Heaven and Earth, and Redeemer of mankind.

In spite of their great efforts, they not only fail to remove Christ, but reaffirm His centrality to the history of mankind. The absurdity of it reminds me of the time that Jerry Seinfeld complained about having to carry his girlfriend, Kari’s things. Elaine suggested to Jerry that he purchase a small men’s carryall from Peterman’s. Jerry rightfully observed that this carryall was in fact a purse, regardless of what name Peterman had given it.

However, Elaine persisted, “It's not a purse. It's European.” As if it being European somehow changed the nature of the thing. Unfortunately, Jerry succumbed to the relativist play on words and ended up carrying the purse - only to have it snatched from him later. Likewise, we see people in our society buying into the false notion of removing Christ from our chronicling of time. Similar to Elaine justification, “It’s European,” the proponents of such a change say, “It’s intellectual.” I think not.

Their ploy fails just as miserably as Steve’s did in Married with Children. As you may recall, Steve proudly came up with a solution to do away with loose change. His theory was based on the notion that if we developed a 99 ¢ piece to counter the marketer’s obsession with pricing things as $ 19.99, $ 29.99, etc., we could do away with loose change forever (save the 99 ¢ piece).

As Al Bundy so astutely pointed out, Steve’s hair-brained scheme, for all its intentions, failed to do what he set out to do. Al asked Steve, “What about sales tax?” That was all Al needed to say to demonstrate that the substance of the issue still remained; as does the centrality of Christ regarding history. Steve relented, but unfortunately, nitwitted television characters are often times more sincere, intellectually honest and have purer motives than modern day intelligentsia.

Let us always keep Christ at the center of our life.

Tuesday, September 06, 2005

The Art of Relativism

Good day, children.

I would like to muse about something that has been stirring in the back of my mind for a while now. It all started a few weeks ago when one of my dear children used the words, "Rap artist" in the comments section. I have to admit to be taken aback by such lax use of words. It seemed to me like the grandest oxymoron ever. I don’t fault our young reader for her choice of words, however it is one more example of how the long tentacles of Relativism have influenced our society.

True that the definition of art can mean essentially any product of or creation of man, but when we stick to that lowest common denominator, we have to ask, who isn’t an artist? In the context of referring to someone as an artist we are presumably ascribing to him something above the generic definition. It seems to me that the word art should not be used so casually that creations that have genuine aesthetic value, lead one to the appreciation of God and/or His creation, and move the soul in a positive way, should be lumped together with works that are banal, blasphemous, or contrary to the dignity of man as an image of God.

The field of contemporary music is not the only endeavor where we find the meaningless use of the word art. Let’s take for example the so-called “art” by a man named Andres Serrano. Let’s face it, children, placing a crucifix in a jar of urine takes no more talent than cursing God out loud. Some may ask, “But isn’t beauty in the eye of the beholder?” I’m sorry, there can be nothing beautiful that runs contrary to the True beauty of Our Heavenly Creator. Children, do you see Relativism at play here? Words mean things, when a word is stripped of any objective meaning, you can bet the Relativists have co-opted it.

What about the art of medicine? Is it immune from the Art of Relativism? Let’s examine this venerable profession.

Not that I am a namedropper or anything, but my predecessor, Pope John Paul the Great, and I used to have long discussions about this. We would marvel at how at one time a doctor of medicine used his knowledge and intellect to apply healing arts, the goal of which was to help the patient’s body function properly. Now that Relativism has entered the profession we find the word treatment to encompass taking a patient’s perfectly fine reproduction system and disabling it either surgically or chemically, we’ve seen the words health care apply to the destruction of God’s most innocent while in their mother’s womb. To the Relativist, easing a patient’s suffering can mean killing them directly or withholding food and water for the purpose of bringing about death. Children, know that the evils of Relativism are apparent everywhere.

I was discussing these things with a dear friend from the United States. For practical reasons I will not offer his name, but he possesses a lot of insight into these things and the children of Denver, Colorado should be very grateful to have a bishop like Archbishop Charles Chaput. We spoke primarily about how great pains should be taken to preserve art that is intended for use in the sacred from the Art of Relativism.

Anyway, this anonymous friend reminded me of an example of how the Art of Relativism has managed to permeate the Church. He pointed out a document that has no official sanction, no force of law, and which defies all reason concerning the use of art in sacred worship, yet has been used as the justification to annihilate any meaningful use of the words “sacred art” in the United States. I won’t include the title of this document, because I have half a mind to reinstate the Index Librorum Prohibitorum just to have the words Environment and Art in Catholic Worship placed at the top of the list.

Children, I know that you are probably hoping for me to cite some examples, but that would not be prudent nor necessary for me to do. You can witness the devastation anywhere you are in the United States, whether it be Rochester, New York; Los Angeles, California; or anyplace in between, like Milwaukee, Wisconsin.

The point is that we do have an enemy and he will use any means at his disposal to separate us from Our Lord. One of his latest schemes is to attack our intellect via Relativism. As children of God we must be vigilant in identifying this threat and countering it. Let us pray that we can shine the light of Our Lord on the Art of Relativism, and show the whole world what it is really made of. Then perhaps someday, all music will be soothing to the soul, paintings and sculptures will reflect God’s glory, and all churches will be designed to inspire our hearts and minds to look toward Heaven, our true home.

Saturday, September 03, 2005

Busy in the vineyard of the Lord

Good day, children.

What a busy week I’ve had! As always it started out busy. Sunday, being the day of Our Lord, is always busy for His humble priests. Monday, I met with the head of the SSPX and we had a nice little chat. I can’t give you details of what transpired, but I will say that it is my sincere hope that all men will be fully and perfectly united to Christ Our Lord (for you American nuns who suffer from habitphobia, I use the word ‘men’ to mean all people regardless of gender; that use of the word is just a venerable habit…no pun intended).

The remaining time was consumed with writing various letters, planning some curial changes (shhh, we need to keep that between us St. Blog’s parishioners) and praying for my American children who are suffering from the effects of the hurricane, among numerous other pontifical things.

I would say the worst part of my week was granting the rights to my audio to Vatican Radio. You’d think they would be appreciative and just say “thank you” and be on their way, but Nooo - they had to send in an army of lawyers with a truckload of papers for me to sign. I asked, “Isn’t the word of the Holy Roman Pontiff good enough? After all, not to be a namedropper or anything, but it was good enough for Fr. Fessio.” To that one of the lawyers replied, “Papa, it’s good enough for me, it really is, honestly, and I’m not just saying that either; and regardless of me having a closet full of expensive domestic suits to support, who would want to live in a world where the average person had access to the justice system without an expensive middleman?” I started to ask him if he knew what the difference was between a dead snake in the road and a dead lawyer in the road, but I thought it prudent just to pick up my box of pontifical ink pens and start signing and initialing; signing and initialing…you get the idea.

To the point of this post. I dispatched a telegram regarding the horrible natural disaster in the southern United States and I am indeed praying for the victims and those who are assisting them. TTLB is sponsoring a donation drive and we are finding it to be quite successful. God bless you all who have assisted in this venture. There are many blogs participating, and I admit that while considering all of the worthy causes in the world, I wondered whether it would be appropriate for a pontiff to use his blog to solicit help for a particular cause. I considered necessitas non habet legem and figured I could apply it here.

Therefore I am urging all of my children, regardless of their national origin, to do whatever they can to assist those poor afflicted souls who have been hit so hard by the hurricane. Please make a donation to the charity of your choice, and be sure to register it with a supporting blog; that way, the rest of us can witness the effects of the grace of God in action. If you chose to make a donation to the Society of St. Vincent de Paul and register it with this humble blog, please feel free to do so. At this time there has been over $580,000 donated through the TTLB drive. You can monitor the donations coming in from here.

Another important thing is that we keep these children in our prayers, because their suffering will continue long after the news reporters disappear. Not to take away from the importance of the corporal works of mercy, but you can sacrifice in other ways as well. One cannot fathom the good derived from offering sacrifices like fasting for a day or abstaining from a daily pleasure.

Thank you and God bless you, children.

Thursday, August 25, 2005

Religious Consumerism

Good day, Children.

I apologize for the sporadic musings, but being the Holy Roman Pontiff is no small chore. I have a lot of pressing issues to deal with, but haven’t been able do much toward resolving them, because I have been being assaulted by the Religious Consumerism that I had spoken of during World Youth Day.

Apparently those purveyors of unadulterated consumerism and greed were quite impressed by the success of WYD – Cologne. The pontifical phone line has been ringing off the hook with various offers to shamelessly market my humble self and/or the great Holy Roman Catholic Church.

Here are some of the ridiculous and offensive proposals that have come in:

The American network, CBS was first to call. They suggested a Catholic version of Survivor called Survivor-Los Angeles. Their idea is to film a bunch of young men in a seminary that is located in a liberal diocese, then see if any of them can survive without becoming a heretic; whoever makes it through formation with their orthodoxy in tact becomes the winner, if no one makes it, then the least heretical person wins. Shocked by the mere suggestion, I rejected them outright.

Bravo called with an offer to do a show called Queer Eye for the Sacred Guy. Their idea was to send in some homosexual men to update various parishes. One man would be responsible for redecorating the parish by removing all of the “passé art” and functional furniture, like pews and kneelers - then replacing them with cushioned or bean bag chairs. A fashion advisor would design some flashy pastel or rainbow colored vestments that are as he said, “modernly classic, yet playful, and just scream, ‘Hug me, I’m the father you always wanted’”.

Another gentleman would focus on the priest’s appearance. Offering him tips on shaving, bath gels, hair dyes and “ready-to-go hairstyles that say, ‘I’m not all business’”. The priest would then receive pointers on how to “reinvent himself into the mod-guy who everyone is just dying to be around.” He would be instructed on how to not offend anybody’s sensibilities and how to keep the focus of the homily on himself. To these folks, I just said, “No thank you. You are suggesting nothing new, we’ve been seeing these very things played out for forty years; the only difference is, there hasn’t been a camera crew chronicling it.”

MTV wants to do a Real World -The Vatican, starring the likes of Cardinals Martini and Mahony, Bishops Lynch and Clark, along with myself and Archbishop Burke. They are even trying to secure the SSPX’s Bishop Williamson to mix things up a bit more. I simply told them that the real world is not something to attain, that they should focus on our Lord and His Kingdom.

Fox has an idea for a spin-off of the Simple Life. They want to take an Immaculate Heart of Mary (IHM) Sister and an Adrian Dominican and send them down to live with Mother Angelica’s Poor Clares of Perpetual Adoration. I actually thought about that one for a moment, but I had to tell them that while it could only be edifying for the dissenting duo, it would be like imposing on those wonderful and humble Poor Clares a severe penance at best, or a horrible cancer at worst. I just couldn’t allow it to happen.

NBC offered to have a series called The Last Homilist Standing. I reminded them of how poorly they managed the Last Comic Standing and in a moment of clarity, they withdrew the offer on their own.

CTND (Catholic Television of Detroit) called with a suggestion called Vocation Swap. Their idea is to have an IHM nun spend the weekend as a priest, doing priestly duties, while the priest spends the same time protesting outside of nuclear power facilities and promoting a new kind of ancient spirituality that possesses a radical feminist agenda. My reply: No way, Jose, but thanks for reaffirming that you definitely need Abp. Burke over there in Motown!

Another producer from NBC called and wants me to star in a show called The Acolyte. The idea is to have a group of young men and women vie for the position to be the server at my Masses. I would give them difficult tasks to do, like memorizing the De Profundis or the Rite of Exorcism in Latin, designing a new miter for me, and finding innovative ways to remove table altars and restore beautiful high altars. At the end of every show, I would have to pick some one and say something like, "Little Sally; you’re excommunicated!" I just told them that I am not qualified to have this show, because I don’t have a hideous wig to wear.

Then he had the nerve to suggest a show called Fear of God Factor where a bunch Extraordinary Ministers of the Eucharist would have to do things like approach the altar without genuflecting, retrieve the Blessed Sacrament from the tabernacle, self communicate, and numerous other perilous deeds. I just hung up on the guy...but not before anathematizing him and all he produces!

Fox wanted to do a show called Average Peter. They would find a group of young schismatic men and introduce them to a “new pope’ who was just elected by Internet conclave, but who in reality is just a non-practicing Unitarian” and let the contestants vie for the new pontiff’s blessing and gain a plenary indulgence. I said, “I’m sorry, that’s just a little too real.”

I’m sure that is not all of the offers I had, but you get the idea. So you see, children; the Religious Consumerism is alive and well and ever-present. Be solicitous that you do not fall into the allure of its empty promises. It is indeed just another deception of the infernal enemy.

Monday, August 22, 2005

WYD Photo Album

Well Children, we are back from World Youth Day. What a marvelous time we had! I now more fully appreciate the sentiments of my late friend, Pope John Paul the Great, when on his deathbed he said regarding the youth, “I have looked for you. Now you have come to me. And I thank you."

I enjoyed being in my homeland once again, but I am anxious to get back to work on my encyclical. Before I get busy, I thought I would muse a little. My brother George took the time to gather some photos that were taken over the past week and assemble them in a virtual photo album. He then presented me with this most thoughtful gift to have as a keepsake of my very first World Youth Day. I am just so touched by this wonderful and personal gift that I thought I would share it with my St. Blog’s friends.

First, there are a couple of photos taken before we left for our homeland. I am particularly fond of the one with the crucifix.

Here’s one of my big brother. He looks good, which makes me happy. I just thought it was so nice of him to consider how much I would appreciate a picture of him.

Here I am on the airplane. If you are wondering why I look unhappy it is because the stewardess confiscated my Blackberry before the plane even got off.

It was quite breezy when I was getting off the plane. I even lost my zucchetto!

Talk about flattering...they even rolled out a red carpet to match my shoes.

Here I am giving the first speech of my trip.

Well, actually it almost blew away and I had a devil of a time collecting it.

Here I am on the boat passing Cathedral Square.

That blasted wind!

He even found a couple of pictures of the two of us together in our civilian clothes.

George certainly has his appetite back, but I cautioned him about all those carbs.

Ahh… Blessing a beautiful baby who has been suffering so.

Here I am addressing the youth.


Who says I’m not as fun as John Paul II?

Wednesday, August 17, 2005

Reaching out to the youth

Greetings children,

As you know, World Youth Day festivities are already underway. We (my staff and I) are getting the last minute things prepared for the trip to my homeland. I am very excited about having this opportunity to address the youth. As I reach out to those who are the future of the Church Militant, it is my heartfelt desire that they respond in kind and lead the Church through the New Springtime.

A very dear friend of mine, was quite effective at reaching out to the youth, you probably know who I am talking about, so it wouldn’t necessarily be namedropping to mention Pope John Paul II, a.k.a. John Paul the Great of happy memory. One of the many things that was so endearing about him was his extroverted personality and his ability to transcend generational barriers in order to reach the youth.

However, I have quite a different personality, yet I am confident in the success of this year’s WYD. The way I view things, even if I don’t reach the youth at the same level as my predecessor, those wonderful youth will help make up the difference.

All that being said; I have been working on my opening address to the youth. Some of my advisors have suggested that if I want to reach the youth I must step out of my ‘comfort zone’, as they call it. Ironically, I am not sure I am very comfortable doing that, but I have been giving it an honest try. I would like to share with you a sample from one of the working copies of my opening address. I have to admit that I am not very comfortable with the text, especially when I account for how it would sound with my accent. See what you think.

World Youth Day Address - working copy III

Word to your mother!
The Word came to us through our Mother, the Blessed Virgin Mary; which was a really rad thing, ya know? Lord Jesus Christ didn’t come in a Beamer all decked in bling bling; no, he came to us in a lowly manger, clothed in humility and poverty. As Our Good Lord’s main-homey right now, I come to you in humility and without bling bling, save my Pescatorio and pectoral cross.

I bring you the 411 on the freedom that is the faith in Jesus Christ. The message of Christ is beyond cool; in fact, it is really quite bitchin’. One cannot view the Church as a bogart with a bunch of rules and bans. To the contrary, the Church is da bomb. It is like having a Lear jet to take you to new heights while you and your friends are chillin’ with your new found freedom.

I also come to remind you to just say NO to Relativism; for a soul is a terrible thing to waste. You see, my young homies; the Relativist would feed you a bunch of BS and tell you young men that it doesn’t matter if your pants hang down to your knees. Don’t be a chump, it makes you look like a punk and everyone knows it. Just say NO to Relativism!

Young ladies, the Relativists hook you into believing that going around half-naked makes you look hot, when in reality it saps you of your true beauty and often times just makes you look skanky. Simply reject those who would dis’ you and say NO to Relativism! I challenge all of you to ditch the chains of Relativism and hook up with da Man-God Himself, Lord Jesus Christ.

Children, you are free to let me know what you think about the above text; upon reading it again, I am more convinced than ever that I should stick to the manner and material I know, and simply trust the Holy Spirit to facilitate the connection between me and the youth. After all, being the pope I am the boss, no? Who is to say that some unnamed clerics, like Archbishop Marini, know more about these things than I?

In conclusion, Father Norbert has set me up with a laptop to take along with me. I don’t know how much time I will have for musing, but I will certainly have time enough for addressing the comment boxes. Please remember to pray for all the youths attending WYD and may God bless you all.

Tuesday, August 16, 2005

The assault on dignity

It has become apparent to me that a number of people are somewhat bewildered by the topic of my forthcoming 25th encyclical. Perhaps I should explain how the subject even came to light.

About two weeks ago, when they allowed me to have visitation with Chico, Chico and I were browsing the Internet seeking cat pictures. - BTW, a little side note: the latest Carnival of Cats is up at the Mind of Mog blog. - Anyway, Chico and I were having a grand old time Googling images of various cats. We searched about every kind of cat you can imagine; from Abyssinians to Turkish Vans, we sought them all. At one point Chico was feeling a little frisky, so we even Googled some Sphynx (hairless) cats. Oh what simple pleasures!

Unfortunately, Chico and I experienced evil firsthand. That brush with pure evil is what made me realize how depraved mankind can be and recognize how man sells out his own dignity as well as that of God’s lesser creation. The images that popped up on the monitor were so disturbing that Chico didn’t sleep at all that night. So disturbing they are, that I have to caution you before you proceed any further; that they are not for the faint of heart.

Please do not display the following images while your pets or little ones are in the room. I know how you children think, you are asking, “Papa, if they are so bad, then why are you displaying them?” To that I answer, I trust that you are mature and well enough formed in your faith to deal with such matters. Besides, I figured that if as Catholics we can chop up people’s dead bodies and value the tiniest of pieces, then we should be able to deal with anything in the material world, no matter how unbecoming it may be.

Father Norbert, my resident holy-geek, spent a lot of time setting this post up so that you could click on the thumbnails and have a larger version pop up. However, some relativist at Blogger has made it so we are free to insert any Java script we want, just as long as we are satisfied with it not working. Obviously, he is someone who attends one of those ‘communal penance services’, so popular in many liberal parishes in the USA. Anyway, Father Norbert was instead forced to add (as he put it) ‘cheesy links’ to the larger photos.

First we have an example of man taking morbid delight in the nature of beasts. Oh, that poor little kitty!
Larger image of: Dogfood kitty

Here we have an example of man’s twisted mind attempting to turn nature on its head. Shameful!
Larger image of: I taught I taw a Putty Tat

It just makes me want to ask, "Brother, do you not have anything better to do than think of ways to humiliate God’s fluffy little creatures?"
Larger image of: Immodestly dressed kitties

Oh gluttonous man!
Larger image of: Catfood
Will your perverted appetite ever be satisfied?

Poor baby…the inhumanity of it all!
Larger image of: A tall glass with a nice head

Just look at what an undignified thing man did to this kitty; that look of despair-turning-to-rage just haunts me. I sure hope you children aren’t smiling; that would just be sick!
Larger image of: Undignified grooming

Not one...
Larger image of: Gutter cat 1

but two examples of man poisoning innocent kittens for fun and profit.

Larger image of: Gutter cat 2

Okay children, NO laughing! But just what kind of warped mind would take their God-given artistic talent and use it to exploit God’s innocents?

Admittedly the artist was very clever in creating the flower, but nevertheless it is just seems so evil.

Larger image of: Clown Mass Mascot

Then sometimes you just have to ask in amazement, "what the…?"

Larger image of: Scary cat

Mind you children, that this was just a sample of the horrors that are out there. The dignity of the cat is under full assault and for every exploited kitty out there; there is a man who is falling further and further short of the glory of God. We must pray for them, that they may return to the dignity that our Lord intended for them, and with that, the cute and fuzzy kitties will be truly free.

That is all I have to say on the matter for right now, you can read the rest in Dignitatis Felidae when it is promulgated.

Monday, August 15, 2005


Good news, children. I just received an e-mail from Kathryn Lively, administrator of St. Blog’s webring. Your Papa is now an official member of your humble parish, complete with his own envelope number and everything! I am honored to be counted among you.

Friday, August 12, 2005

Back to the drawing board

Hello children,

I am sorry that I haven’t been musing lately. Believe me when I tell you that I would much rather be musing than working on this dag-nabbed encyclical, but thus is the vineyard in which the Good Lord desires his humble servant to labor in right now.

As you may have detected by my tone, my work on the encyclical has not been going too well. I had it nearly completed before I allowed my friends and advisors to look it over. They loved it immensely and had commented about how unique and brilliant it was, but they advised me that they thought it was too heavy and thought provoking for a pontiff’s first encyclical; that my first encyclical should be a little lighter and conventional.

One dear friend whose opinion I value greatly, suggested that I shelve it for now and issue it as my 25th encyclical, provided that nothing else becomes more pressing at that time. I know you are as curious as a cat, but this trusted friend’s name is not important to this musing, nevertheless I am referring to Cardinal Arinze. The only person who didn’t like it was my brother, George. He said it was a stupid idea, but I think he is just jealous that his little brother became pope before him. You know brothers!

I figured that since my fellow St. Blog’s parishioners are so loyal to the Holy See and take an above average interest in these things, that I would give you a little taste of my forthcoming 25th encyclical. I only ask that you be discreet and keep this among yourselves; this is one cat we don’t want let out of the bag. We wouldn’t want the folks at the National Catholic Reporter or America Magazine to get a head start on finding ways to dissent from it. So without further ado, here is the introduction:

Dignitatis Felidae

To the Bishops
Priests and Deacons
Men and Women religious
lay Faithful
and all People of Good Will
on the Dignity, Value and Inviolability
of Feline Life


Venerable Brothers, and dear Sons and Daughters
greetings and the Apostolic Blessing!

The splendor of creation shines forth in all the works of the Creator and, in a special way, in cats, created for man to give him companionship and affection.


And the Lord God having formed out of the ground all the beasts of the earth, and all the fowls of the air, brought them to Adam to see what he would call them: for whatsoever Adam called any living creature the same is its name (Gen 2:19 [D.R.]).

By allowing man to name the creatures, God gave man dominion over them. This gift of power given to man by God increases the dignity of man without detracting from the dignity of the lesser creatures. In fact, the dignity of man is intimately connected to the dignity he affords the lesser creatures, not the least of which is the domestic cat. When man fails to respect the dignity of the cat, he in turn diminishes his own dignity. Let us examine this sublime relationship between man and cat.

Pretty good stuff if I don’t say so myself. Unfortunately for you, you will have to wait a while to read it in its entirety. For now you will have to be content with twenty-four encyclicals of the tired old stuff like the collapse of the Church in Europe, Relativism, etc. Unfortunately for me, it’s back to the drawing board. I just don’t see how I can get an encyclical out before World Youth Day now. Please remember to pray for your Papa.

Friday, August 05, 2005

A brotherly musing

Good day, children. Playing my piano in the soft glow of my candelabra and reflecting on yesterday’s events, I couldn’t help but to think to myself, “I wish my brother George was here.” Then I had a brilliant idea: I will muse about him!

I am sure most of you are aware that my brother George, who has been visiting me here at Castel Gandolfo, had to be taken to the hospital yesterday. The doctors implanted a pacemaker to regulate his heartbeat and they expect a satisfactory recovery.

However, I am asking you dear children to pray for my big brother, George. He is a very good man and an excellent priest and would be very appreciative. In case you are wondering; no, I’m not just saying that because he’s my brother and therefore I have to say nice things about him. I really mean it, and that is in spite of him calling me a twerp all the time when we were kids, or all the wedgies he gave me, or the time he was swinging an incensor in the house and broke Ma’s lamp, then blamed it on me. I could go on and on, but out of charity I won’t.

Nevertheless, he is a good guy and I harbor no ill feelings from my childhood. In fact, if I really wanted to get him back, I could. You see dear children, when George and I were young, we used to play priest. Oh what fun we had! One day when we were playing, George said that he just got word from Rome, that there was a conclave and the cardinals elected him pope, and that as his first pontifical act he was going to excommunicate me for using his football without asking (that is a soccer ball to you Americans).

I was so upset that I was beside myself. I begged him to lift the excommunication, but he refused. He held that thing over my head for years it seemed. It may not seem like a big deal now, but at the time I was traumatized over the whole thing. What is beautiful about Providence is that there really was a conclave and take a wild guess as to who was elected pope? That’s right - your Papa Ratzi. Perhaps when George is released from the hospital and we know everything is OK, I’ll remind him of the time he “borrowed” my bicycle without asking.

In concluding this humble musing, please keep my brother, Fr. George Ratzinger, in your prayers and God bless you.